Jesus Christ Took All My Shame

I have decided to take myself off the cross of my own judgment and bow to the highest judge of the world, Jesus Christ. He died for me and for all the shame of my past. I thank You Jesus, for you took my shame from me. I receive the righteousness of God because, through Your blood, I am not only forgiven, but I stand fully cleansed and pure in your sight, as a new born baby. I choose to see myself the way You see me, fully loved, fully forgiven, fully accepted. I take back all the enemy has stolen from me. I have judged myself and allowed the world to judge me for a sin that has been forgiven for 36 years after it was conceived. No more !!!

I choose to live in the reality of how God sees me. And receive it in Jesus’ name. I will walk out the door of self condemnation, both conscious and unconscious. I am a child of God and He loves me! This is where my confidence comes from and my true identity is in Christ!


Leave Babylon! Be not destroyed because of her sins… (Jeremiah 51:6)

The time was June of l981. I was born again. I had repented of the sin of homosexuality and welcomed Jesus Christ into my heart. I knew not only He was with me, but I had Father God’s love and the power of the Holy Spirit to assist me to do what I could not do in my own strength. The time was critical and I was vulnerable. This was just the beginning of being transformed into the image of Jesus Christ and finding my true transparent and honest identity in Christ. I had to stay away from all my homosexual contacts. As cold as this sounds, if I spent any time with gay friends or lovers, it would only serve to give Satan a chance to lure me back into the lifestyle. Honesty with ourselves and identifying our sins and vulnerabilities is essential to getting free from any addiction. I knew that God was, out of His love for me, commanding me:

Flee from Babylon! Run for your lives! Be not destroyed because of her sins… (Jeremiah 51:6) 

With obedience, I had peace.

We All Have a Void Within that Only Jesus Can Fill – Accept the Gift of Righteousness and Refuse All False Guilt and Self- Condemnation – For the Repentant Born Again Believer, These are Lies

There are no boundaries in codependent relationships. As a child and a teenager, I was so attached to Mom that I literally did not see myself. I really felt invisible and Mom was my identity. My identity was also falsely based upon my outward appearance and my achievements in school. This produced a false sense of self-image (how I see myself) and self- esteem (how I feel about myself.)

Self esteem identifies how I feel about myself. Self -image identifies how I think about myself. Both are properly developed from within the soul, not through another person, through achievements, or through outward appearances. Feeling invisible, being enmeshed with Mom, being a high achiever, and focused on my physical appearance all confirmed the void within me that only Jesus could fill. 

I may have felt good about my physical appearance and my achievements in the academics, and I may have felt secure in the mother/daughter codependence, but these were all false external securities. Without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I was empty on the inside. Without a sure confidence in Jesus Christ living and working on the inside of me, I had little or no self-image or self-esteem and, thus, thought and felt poorly about myself. A keen moment by moment discernment of the presence of the Lord with and in me changed me. My confidence was restored because I determined to receive His gift of righteousness (right standing with God) . (Romans 1:17)( Hebrews 11:1)  In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to do with fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. (Isaiah 54:14) Righteousness eradicates all self condemnation and/or false guilt.

Friend, a total reliance and trust upon the Lord does not make one invisible. With Jesus Christ taking residence within me, my identity is seen felt, and experienced through His presence within me, working in me and working through me.

“Father God, You fill me with joy in Your presence.” (Psalm 16:11) 

All our defensive walls will eventually be brought down in this divine and intimate covenant relationship. We become transparent as the truth of His love, His presence, and His Word becomes alive on the inside of us. As He teaches us how to fully walk in love even for both ourselves and our enemies. We need this confidence that righteousness gives so that we can properly set our boundaries with others and rise up and defeat our enemies, pray for them and love them anyway, not taking the attacks personally. We may not always be led to become their best friend, but we love them deeply by our prayers. (Ephesians 6:12) We do not fight against flesh and blood but principalities, powers, and rulers  in heavenly places. Hurting people will try to hurt other people. As we rise up to continue to walk in the love of God, our true identity in Christ becomes a reality. Only through Jesus Christ is our self image formed. (Don’t let the devil have your true identity in Christ. Continue to walk in love no matter what trials come to you. That is you greatest weapon. And speak His Word to combat the thoughts.

“Father God, I am content.”

From one man He made every nation of men that they should inhabit the whole earth: and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.’For in Him we live and move and have our being.’ (Acts 17: 26-28)

I had to remove everything in my life that was not pleasing to God, and continue to this day to take all trash out. Leaving no room for the enemy to deceive me or to harass me. Beginning with leaving all the ungodly soul ties and all connections to them, leaving lust and honoring God with my body, leaving all impure motives- (The earth belongs to the Lord), leaving all envy and comparisons of others and asking God to help me to learn to be content with just who He made me to be, leaving all worry and doubt, consecrating my eyes and ears to the Lord. And these continue to this day as I ask the Lord to help all my unbelief and to strengthen my faith, and I sometimes receive counsel in these areas when the battle is too strong against me.  Standing in faith despite the trials and the lies. I believe with honesty with God about my weak areas, refusing to worry, and asking for His help, I will develop a thicker skin in this area.

“Father, with Your help, I can and I will overcome.”

Remember the enemy could not enter Jesus because there was no sin in Him. This is about a walk of purity to become more like Jesus day by day. We are never going to be perfect, but we are perfectly forgiven. For if there is sin your life, repent fist and ask God to help you to get rid of it, lest the devil outwit us. 1st John 1:9 For if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

“Thank You Father for You have given me life!”

Taken from online site FREE @ Speak Your Healing from the Homosexual Deception, by Bonnie M. Egglehand  Published with and avail as eBook or online FREE

Speak Your Healing from the Homosexual Deception, by Bonnie M. Egglehand

This is available as book and eBook with, ,, and also FREE READ @ It is a biblical walk of purity in my born again covenant relationship with Jesus Christ. Our true identity is found in Christ. Spending time with Him in prayer, studying, speaking, meditating upon, and living the Word of God, as well as connecting with other Christians who walk and are growing to live by faith. Leaving Babylon and all its ungodly connections. I had years of Christian counseling and still receive counseling when needed to face and settle issues that I need to deal with to keep moving forward in Christ.  When we surrender to Jesus as Lord, we still need to walk through and heal in the soul realm from the hurts, traumas, and pains that keep us from receiving all that God has for us in this life.

A second person is a mirror if you will, and can give us a clearer perspective on the issues that Satan and our own soul trip us up on. It is a “renewing of the mind” that Romans 12:2 speaks about. We are always growing and learning in Christ. It is a never ending process. Support groups, prayer groups, connections with other Christians, strong membership in Bible Believing Churches, getting involved in Church activities, and Christian counseling are essential for growth out of any addiction.

But no not let Satan outwit you. If you have and continually repenting of sin and have asked Jesus into your heart, you are completely loved, accepted and forgiven. The issues remaining do not keep you out of your inheritance with Christ Jesus. So do not condemn yourself if you have tests and trials. It is just Satan trying to keep you from complete peace with God. He will continually try to beat you and laugh when you beat yourself up until you say,  “No more.” God is greater than any trial. “Greater is God within us than he that is in the world.” (1st John 4:4)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is  – His good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)


Gender Identity – Inner Conviction as We Receive from the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

True gender identity is not something which is formed as a result of one’s outward appearance. It forms when a person comes into full agreement with God, whether a person is born male or female. As I surrender to Jesus as my Lord and loving authority in my life, I am experiencing an inner conviction in my spirit and soul of my own femininity through both the learning and the living out of His Holy Word.

For so long I felt disconnected  from my body, and there were times I did not experience a true reality.  I suffered panic attacks. He told me to stop all worrying and to stop and just focus on Him. The world would seek to diagnose this as “dissociation”. Pride kept me from true connection with people. Not forgiving myself kept me listening to the lies of the devil.  However, my relationship with Jesus Christ brought this inner brokenness into wholeness as I gave up living in my own strength of will and surrendered to Him. I spoke, “I forgive my mother. I forgive my father. I forgive all the men. I forgive all the women.” “Stay with me, Lord. ” I surrendered my control and gave it to the Lord, I was placed into the “Now”. The Holy Spirit came and rebaptized me with the Spirit of love and of His power. I didn’t feel powerful, I felt weak, but I knew something had changed. I was no longer alone and seeking people’s attention or acceptance, but I was so in love with Jesus, that I was fully content in Him. There were times I was so deep into being in His presence, that I said nothing. Not a muteness, a deep honor in His presence. It was a deep peace that the Lord brought to me amidst the heinous circumstances of my life. I just had to keep moving and believing that God would make a way for me each and every day. I just had to keep giving, knowing that as I gave, the Lord would give back to me. I was no longer afraid to speak to Him in the quietness of my own world. As I spoke to Him and sang praises to Him,  Jesus brought my entire identity to an “in sink” position – now with body, mind, and spirit connected.  I am not saying i never felt anxiety or frustration.  I am talking about a higher place of identity, that of being One with Christ. I am not talking about my emotions, which can go up and down daily. In living out a lifestyle of living in His presence, then, I spoke to the emotions and told them to stay under as I had things to do and people to meet.Pastor Billy Joe Daugherty used to say, “Hold steady.”

When the rubber meets the road in all of what life has to offer, I continued to walk in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My true identity is revealed to me as I learn what He says to me in His word. In my human spirit/soul to Holy Spirit interactions, I am listening with my spiritual ears to the Holy Spirit’s leadings. His still, small voice beckons to me to both comfort me and to direct my steps. He reveals pieces of the gender puzzle in both my spirit and my soul  I got to a point where I was no longer trying to please people, so that I could free myself to just be me in the company of others people. That is where true deliverance comes, when we have fully received the love, acceptance, and forgiveness of God and we also have forgiveen ourselves. “Go and sin no more.” Jesus said to the women caught in adultery. I also had to determine to resist the lustful spirits who were visiting me and take my authority over them whenever they woke me from sleep or while I was trying to sleep. ” As I was submitted to the Lord, with repentance from dead works, and forgiveness with a release of all judgments against both myself and all others, I could then take Jesus’ delegated authority and tell them, “Get out, in the name of Jesus Christ.You have no authority here. You cannot cross over the bloodline of Jesus Christ.” And, my friend, these little impish spirits cannot stay when the blood of Jesus is taking residence in and around me and as we speak it out.” They legally are evicted off the premises. It is not magic. It is the truth of the gospel, which tells us we can speak to any mountain that is in our way and tell it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ. And expect that it will leave us. (Mark 11:23-26)



Godly Relationships with Godly Men – Set a New Mindset

The Lord has given me so many wonderful opportunities to find comfort, enjoyment, and trust with men in both friendships and in the counseling relationships I have developed, especially with Dr. Leo Natale. He poured his loving counsel and the wisdom of God into me, praying for me, encouraging me, and inspiring me to continue in my call. For several years, I had the opportunity to be under his godly counsel. He prayed for me and counseled me with a sincere and a godly love. I have been under the godly authority of many other anointed men of God: pastors, family members including uncles, professors, teachers, cousins, and many  special friends.

Nothing is impossible with God. We can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us. (Phil. 4:13) I will speak to the mountain of fear of intimacy with a man. I believe that God will remove all fear when the Lord’s best for me arrives. Perfect love will conquer all fear. (1st John 4:18) I open my heart to the possibility of change. When my healing reaches a certain maturity, the Lord will prepare me to believe for it.



Taken from page 157. Free Read online at website. Also avail as eBook with amazon and Title” Speak Your Healing from the Homosexual Deception, by Bonnie M. Egglehand